not silence

i hear noise 

often i might hear words come for your mouth 

but only the feeling that you feel, is the feeling that will stay with me

why must you talk so loudly

why must you talk so loudly 

why must you talk so loudly

I must write because you will never listen 

talking is your strength i know

i know

i know 

i know 

i already know the words you will speak from your mouth

sweetheart i can finish your sentences because i have already heard them before

why must you repeat yourself

why must you repeat yourself 

why must you repeat yourself

the world will tell you the views of millions but never truth

what is truth 

dang it, i want the truth 

not your advise 

not your opinion

not how you did it

but i guess i don't want that either

just shut up and listen to me

i have listened to you for 18 years

so SHUT UP and LISTEN TO ME
you are horrible at listening

listen to me 

listen to me

listen to me

do not sit and node like a plastic doll

look at me in the eyes 

why must i ask you to look at me in the eyes

"don't you worry, i'm listening"

LIES
listen to my heart

listen to my blood that is rushing through my veins

listen to my cries to god that you will never hear

he listens to me, why can't you listen to me for second

listen 

listen 

listen

listen to my breath as i am running through the trees

listen to my heart as it pounds on the keys 

listen to the laughter that you have grown silent to

silent

i don't want silences

i want listening hears 

i want listening heart

i want a understanding of my words  

time

this isn't me missing you
this is me missing the me i used to be
you taught me how to be alone
and i learned my lesson in your absences
i read what you leave in public spaces
the songs you reference
the quotes you quote
i can feel you thinking about me

give me sun

i fear you the most

i fear you the most because it has already been done before

i never thought you could hold a whole soul in your hands, but you can

in the veins are the secrets that will run through, but will never leave

the brachial artery screaming please don't hurt me

or maybe it’s the fact that I was too shy to think I could have more

or maybe I was too innocent to think that people could have bad intentions

or maybe it’s the fact that I’m to scared to think that maybe one day you will see me the way I see myself 

or maybe I'm being too irrational 

to think that someone could hold your soul in there hand

maybe it's just your heart but at times it feels that there is more to it

so my dearest darling let me just say I love you first, just this once

and maybe, just maybe you can hold my soul in your hands for a little while 

with a smile

you are the sleepless night

the drip of the sink

silent as the minutes under water

the flashing lights at disco night

the second looks, of what are you thinking

is it me?

no

probably the game you had last week

it's always that 

you are the walks to door

the reason for talking to myself 

the extra shade of lip gloss

the pounding of the heart

what are you thinking?

i know i talk too much

too much of silence gets uncomfortable 

you are the reason to over think

never bad or good

the i hate you, with a smile 

the never final agreement

you are every color in-between

but never the color itself

you are normal with the abnormal

you are the reason for lost words

but i've always been good with words

just not with you

so dang it, i can't say it without crying

so i will say i hate you, with a smile instead 

a letter to you daddy

I don't know how to say it
I'm not your little girl anymore
So pretty please with a cherry on top
Let me grow up
Let me lose my way
I always come back
I know you trust me, but I need you to trust me a little more
Please listen to me, oh pretty please
You have raised me so well Daddy
You raised me to be independent
So pretty please let me try it out

I look up to you so much
Oh how I just want you to be proud of me
Not because Mom told you so, but because you really are
We can still go to football games and talk about politics
I like that
I love that
But can you listen to me, oh please listen to me

Daddy the world is a scarier place than I thought it would be
Why didn't you tell me
I trust you I know
But Daddy I'm scared the world is scarier than I thought

Daddy you didn't tell me love hurts so bad
Why didn't you tell me

Daddy I leave soon
So please listen to me
I know you have a lot to say
But now I do too
Daddy, oh please listen to me

i can only show you how i feel

Can you hear the prayer of the children? 
On bended knee, in the shadow of an unknown room 
Empty eyes with no more tears to cry 
Turning heavenward toward the light 

Crying Jesus, help me 
To see the morning light-of one more day 
But if I should die before I wake, 
I pray my soul to take 

Can you feel the hearts of the children? 
Aching for home, for something of their very own 
Reaching hands, with nothing to hold on to, 
But hope for a better day a better day 

Crying Jesus, help me 
To feel the love again in my own land 
But if unknown roads lead away from home, 
Give me loving arms, away from harm 

Can you hear the voice of the children? 
Softly pleading for silence in a shattered world? 
Angry guns preach a gospel full of hate, 
Blood of the innocent on their hands 

Crying Jesus, help me 
To feel the sun again upon my face, 
For when darkness clears I know you're near, 
Bringing peace again