if only

if only 

my eyes 

could speak 

poetry 

to you my dear 

i remember

i remember the pig tail days and when my mom washed my cloths

i remember the first day of preschool and i didn't want my mom to leave

now i'm the one leaving

i remember when kissing tag was how you made friends

i remember T ball and my baseball caps

i remember butterfly clips in my hair 

and ribbons on my dresses

i remember first kisses and how bad it was

i remember heart break 

i remember when innocent was in my description

i remember green basketball shorts 

and smelly preteens

i remember when my mom left for three days and how much my dad cried

i remember doctor appointments and what I drew on that paper

i remember when i would wake up on time

and how i always did my homework

i remember when high school mattered and who i sat next to

i remember when i had time 

I remember when my little brother had a smaller vocabulary than me 

I remember when i bought a pop tart for the first time and never ate it 

in my heart then out my lips

Maybe it's that my heart beat was never regular to begin with

it started with the screams to my mother at birth 

and now all i seem to do it is cry out to world

saying, "is that all you got?"

she would hold me so gently 

and now all i feel is wind on the mountain tops

but the world is quiet up there 

and i can here him answer back to me

you came through the artery just like the wind

and through to my blood 

then my lungs 

then out my lips

then back through again 

like oxygen

maybe my heart beat was never regular to begin with

now all i know is that only people can make your heart beat regular 

but my darling consistency that's what my heart needs