time

this isn't me missing you
this is me missing the me i used to be
you taught me how to be alone
and i learned my lesson in your absences
i read what you leave in public spaces
the songs you reference
the quotes you quote
i can feel you thinking about me

give me sun

i fear you the most

i fear you the most because it has already been done before

i never thought you could hold a whole soul in your hands, but you can

in the veins are the secrets that will run through, but will never leave

the brachial artery screaming please don't hurt me

or maybe it’s the fact that I was too shy to think I could have more

or maybe I was too innocent to think that people could have bad intentions

or maybe it’s the fact that I’m to scared to think that maybe one day you will see me the way I see myself 

or maybe I'm being too irrational 

to think that someone could hold your soul in there hand

maybe it's just your heart but at times it feels that there is more to it

so my dearest darling let me just say I love you first, just this once

and maybe, just maybe you can hold my soul in your hands for a little while 

with a smile

you are the sleepless night

the drip of the sink

silent as the minutes under water

the flashing lights at disco night

the second looks, of what are you thinking

is it me?

no

probably the game you had last week

it's always that 

you are the walks to door

the reason for talking to myself 

the extra shade of lip gloss

the pounding of the heart

what are you thinking?

i know i talk too much

too much of silence gets uncomfortable 

you are the reason to over think

never bad or good

the i hate you, with a smile 

the never final agreement

you are every color in-between

but never the color itself

you are normal with the abnormal

you are the reason for lost words

but i've always been good with words

just not with you

so dang it, i can't say it without crying

so i will say i hate you, with a smile instead 

a letter to you daddy

I don't know how to say it
I'm not your little girl anymore
So pretty please with a cherry on top
Let me grow up
Let me lose my way
I always come back
I know you trust me, but I need you to trust me a little more
Please listen to me, oh pretty please
You have raised me so well Daddy
You raised me to be independent
So pretty please let me try it out

I look up to you so much
Oh how I just want you to be proud of me
Not because Mom told you so, but because you really are
We can still go to football games and talk about politics
I like that
I love that
But can you listen to me, oh please listen to me

Daddy the world is a scarier place than I thought it would be
Why didn't you tell me
I trust you I know
But Daddy I'm scared the world is scarier than I thought

Daddy you didn't tell me love hurts so bad
Why didn't you tell me

Daddy I leave soon
So please listen to me
I know you have a lot to say
But now I do too
Daddy, oh please listen to me

i can only show you how i feel

Can you hear the prayer of the children? 
On bended knee, in the shadow of an unknown room 
Empty eyes with no more tears to cry 
Turning heavenward toward the light 

Crying Jesus, help me 
To see the morning light-of one more day 
But if I should die before I wake, 
I pray my soul to take 

Can you feel the hearts of the children? 
Aching for home, for something of their very own 
Reaching hands, with nothing to hold on to, 
But hope for a better day a better day 

Crying Jesus, help me 
To feel the love again in my own land 
But if unknown roads lead away from home, 
Give me loving arms, away from harm 

Can you hear the voice of the children? 
Softly pleading for silence in a shattered world? 
Angry guns preach a gospel full of hate, 
Blood of the innocent on their hands 

Crying Jesus, help me 
To feel the sun again upon my face, 
For when darkness clears I know you're near, 
Bringing peace again 

the right brain me

I want to travel

I want to learn people

I want to learn humans

I want to have experiences that no one else has had

I want to find that perfect stranger to have that perfect conversation with

I want to eat good food, so much I have to go up a size

I want to have that "Eat, Pray, Love" experience

I want to have that light turn on of "oh my gosh the world is beautiful"

I want to see the lights twinkling walking with no place to go

I want to build mine, my own, and myself

I want to experience, never read or hear about

I want to say I've been there

Because I have and I will