Monday, May 18, 2015

I've already told the story a hundred times

I'll start slow
Because starting with the really new me just might scary you off
So let’s to rip of the band aid
Let’s pull of the huddie you wear every day because you didn't have time to pick out something else

But am I aloud to talk about myself 
I feel like I’ve told the story

Real talk, I know just how to tell people what they want to hear
But right now, I’m going to tell you the truth and maybe the same story over and over
Of the, I don't want to hear it

Sophomore year I was drowning and my parents didn't even know it, because they're busy
Having a stay at home mom that work at home all the time, is probably the biggest piece of BULL
REAL TALK I wish I had the courage to say NO, and for the love SHUT UP 
But I just write it instead
REAL TALK love scares the living shit out of me and I pull away from time to time because one day I will be left with nothing but ripped opened letters and a messy room.
REAL TALK I hate your mom
REAL TALK I've been going to therapy sense the sixth grade 
I hate being seen as the goodie two shoes, because I’m not,
I'm just better at hiding it
I leave mutual early to I can go and cry in my car instead
Because having a bigger house isn't worth leaving the old ward
I miss Jr, year, because I only first met you, and I didn't love you yet
I've never had a really good girlfriend, but I balm it on myself
I regret a lot senior year, wished I wasn’t addicted to checking off the to do list
I wished I was more like my Dad because he's happier with his life
REAL TALK I forget, like a lot and I don’t know why
REAL TALK having a Grandma this Bi-polar scares the shit out of me too
Because that crap is in the gene pool
And I'm already half way there with seasonal depression
But at least I get better in the summer right 
I feel alone in a room filled with people because I don’t have a click to go to
But I’m going to better in college and hold on to friendships with both hands not just one

Because we have to hold on to life with both hands because you don’t know when it will turn into sand 

Sunday, April 26, 2015

if only

if only 

my eyes 

could speak 

to you my dear 

i remember

i remember the pig tail days and when my mom washed my cloths
i remember the first day of preschool and i didn't want my mom to leave
now i'm the one leaving
i remember when kissing tag was how you made friends
i remember T ball and my baseball caps
i remember butterfly clips in my hair 
and ribbons on my dresses
i remember first kisses and how bad it was
i remember heart break 
i remember when innocent was in my description
i remember green basketball shorts 
and smelly preteens
i remember when my mom left for three days and how much my dad cried
i remember doctor appointments and what I drew on that paper
i remember when i would wake up on time
and how i always did my homework
i remember when high school mattered and who i sat next to
i remember when i had time 
I remember when my little brother had a smaller vocabulary than me 

I remember when i bought a pop tart for the first time and never ate it 

in my heart then out my lips

Maybe it's that my heart beat was never regular to begin with
it started with the screams to my mother at birth 
and now all i seem to do it is cry out to world
saying, "is that all you got?"
she would hold me so gently 
and now all i feel is wind on the mountain tops
but the world is quiet up there 
and i can here him answer back to me
you came through the artery just like the wind
and through to my blood 
then my lungs 
then out my lips
then back through again 
like oxygen
maybe my heart beat was never regular to begin with
now all i know is that only people can make your heart beat regular 

but my darling consistency that's what my heart needs 

Sunday, April 12, 2015

sticks and stone may break my bones

sticks and stones may break my bones but words do not hurt mebut her words hurt and his silences just made me angryshe didn't even waist time and just went straight to my heart i was at my lowest point and the grass below me soaked up my cries for helpat the moment i knew fear and love are in the sameand that loss is more than a feelingyou were so close to me but so far awayand my mom was at the grocery storeso i listened to every word of my wrong doing i thought forgiveness is in your heart but it's only on the bruised knees and talks to godher words hurt mei never knew that someone can welcome you in then have your arms cut at elbows so that you can never hug anyone the same againyour kisses come with conditions and complicationsi asked him if i could learn how to forgive more quickly so i guess i can give you thatmaybe you are my lessoni love what is rightfully yoursbut i thought you could sharei followed every rule that i knewbut his kisses come with complications that i  thought never knew possible i have bit marks on my tough from the words i never saidi will respect you but never in the same mother tells me to stay awaybut i how can i love what is rightfully yours and stay away from you  i will learn to build up walls and tare them down again sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me 

Sunday, March 29, 2015

words of courage

i have been going to every blog and going straight down to the bottom to find your name
i'm sure your words are beautiful
but i just want to connect your words to the meaning of which you tell them
i want to know your heart breaks then your words of courage
so here is my back story 

i like to run then walk the same trail because i don't want to miss anything 
eating is a passion 
i have watched every episode of I love Lucy twice 
I like my Friday naps
and my family is the loudest of them all
Alta June can make me cry 
i was the shy girl with pig tails
i am in love with Sherlock 
i rather sleep in the morning than at night
my hair is curly and i love it
my face can tell you all my darkest secrets
i laugh too loudly but i believe everyone deserves to feel funny 
football games and fries will always be a good combo
i like easily and love slowly
i read one of my blog posts in class and no one noticed
i believe that everyone should drive up the canyon by themselves at least once
i will share my opinion only if i feel it's logical 
i tried to be hipster for one year and it's too hard
long showers are why i'm always late
movie nights on the coach is what i learned from my dad
how to say i'm sorry is what i learned from my mother
i believe every man should own a black tie 
and every women should own a pair of nude heels 
Nelson has taught me to be honest with myself 

I am Heather Peterson 

Sunday, March 22, 2015

love will....

love will own a pair of oxfords 
love will talk to people with a grace that has never be seen before
love will give his mother a kiss on the cheek before he leaves
love will always love god
love will hold me for a little longer just because he wants to
love will give me a reason to talk a little faster
love will spin me around the dance floor
love will give me a reason to change 
love will give kisses on the forehead
love will laugh harder than is needed
love will speak kindness
love will talk to my Dad about politics
love will eat as much as i do
love will hold my hand in public
love will tell the world that he loves me
love will own a skinny tie
love will now how to wear a suit 
love will be good
love will let me be right 
love will let me be wrong
love will never yell at children 
love will dress to the nines
love will remind me of my brother 
love will give me a chance to be better than what i see