if only

if only 

my eyes 

could speak 

poetry 

to you my dear 

i remember

i remember the pig tail days and when my mom washed my cloths

i remember the first day of preschool and i didn't want my mom to leave

now i'm the one leaving

i remember when kissing tag was how you made friends

i remember T ball and my baseball caps

i remember butterfly clips in my hair 

and ribbons on my dresses

i remember first kisses and how bad it was

i remember heart break 

i remember when innocent was in my description

i remember green basketball shorts 

and smelly preteens

i remember when my mom left for three days and how much my dad cried

i remember doctor appointments and what I drew on that paper

i remember when i would wake up on time

and how i always did my homework

i remember when high school mattered and who i sat next to

i remember when i had time 

I remember when my little brother had a smaller vocabulary than me 

I remember when i bought a pop tart for the first time and never ate it 

in my heart then out my lips

Maybe it's that my heart beat was never regular to begin with

it started with the screams to my mother at birth 

and now all i seem to do it is cry out to world

saying, "is that all you got?"

she would hold me so gently 

and now all i feel is wind on the mountain tops

but the world is quiet up there 

and i can here him answer back to me

you came through the artery just like the wind

and through to my blood 

then my lungs 

then out my lips

then back through again 

like oxygen

maybe my heart beat was never regular to begin with

now all i know is that only people can make your heart beat regular 

but my darling consistency that's what my heart needs 

sticks and stone may break my bones

sticks and stones may break my bones but words do not hurt mebut her words hurt and his silences just made me angryshe didn't even waist time and just went straight to my heart i was at my lowest point and the grass below me soaked up my cries for helpat the moment i knew fear and love are in the sameand that loss is more than a feelingyou were so close to me but so far awayand my mom was at the grocery storeso i listened to every word of my wrong doing i thought forgiveness is in your heart but it's only on the bruised knees and talks to godher words hurt mei never knew that someone can welcome you in then have your arms cut at elbows so that you can never hug anyone the same againyour kisses come with conditions and complicationsi asked him if i could learn how to forgive more quickly so i guess i can give you thatmaybe you are my lessoni love what is rightfully yoursbut i thought you could sharei followed every rule that i knewbut his kisses come with complications that i  thought never knew possible i have bit marks on my tough from the words i never saidi will respect you but never in the same mother tells me to stay awaybut i how can i love what is rightfully yours and stay away from you  i will learn to build up walls and tare them down again sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me 
 

words of courage

i have been going to every blog and going straight down to the bottom to find your name

i'm sure your words are beautiful

but i just want to connect your words to the meaning of which you tell them

i want to know your heart breaks then your words of courage

so here is my back story 

i like to run then walk the same trail because i don't want to miss anything 

eating is a passion 

i have watched every episode of I love Lucy twice 

I like my Friday naps

and my family is the loudest of them all

Alta June can make me cry 

i was the shy girl with pig tails

i am in love with Sherlock 

i rather sleep in the morning than at night

my hair is curly and i love it

my face can tell you all my darkest secrets

i laugh too loudly but i believe everyone deserves to feel funny 

football games and fries will always be a good combo

i like easily and love slowly

i read one of my blog posts in class and no one noticed

i believe that everyone should drive up the canyon by themselves at least once

i will share my opinion only if i feel it's logical 

i tried to be hipster for one year and it's too hard

long showers are why i'm always late

movie nights on the coach is what i learned from my dad

how to say i'm sorry is what i learned from my mother

i believe every man should own a black tie 

and every women should own a pair of nude heels 

Nelson has taught me to be honest with myself 

I am Heather Peterson 

love will....

love will own a pair of oxfords 

love will talk to people with a grace that has never be seen before

love will give his mother a kiss on the cheek before he leaves

love will always love god

love will hold me for a little longer just because he wants to

love will give me a reason to talk a little faster

love will spin me around the dance floor

love will give me a reason to change 

love will give kisses on the forehead

love will laugh harder than is needed

love will speak kindness

love will talk to my Dad about politics

love will eat as much as i do

love will hold my hand in public

love will tell the world that he loves me

love will own a skinny tie

love will now how to wear a suit 

love will be good

love will let me be right 

love will let me be wrong

love will never yell at children 

love will dress to the nines

love will remind me of my brother 

love will give me a chance to be better than what i see 

not silence

i hear noise 

often i might hear words come for your mouth 

but only the feeling that you feel, is the feeling that will stay with me

why must you talk so loudly

why must you talk so loudly 

why must you talk so loudly

I must write because you will never listen 

talking is your strength i know

i know

i know 

i know 

i already know the words you will speak from your mouth

sweetheart i can finish your sentences because i have already heard them before

why must you repeat yourself

why must you repeat yourself 

why must you repeat yourself

the world will tell you the views of millions but never truth

what is truth 

dang it, i want the truth 

not your advise 

not your opinion

not how you did it

but i guess i don't want that either

just shut up and listen to me

i have listened to you for 18 years

so SHUT UP and LISTEN TO ME
you are horrible at listening

listen to me 

listen to me

listen to me

do not sit and node like a plastic doll

look at me in the eyes 

why must i ask you to look at me in the eyes

"don't you worry, i'm listening"

LIES
listen to my heart

listen to my blood that is rushing through my veins

listen to my cries to god that you will never hear

he listens to me, why can't you listen to me for second

listen 

listen 

listen

listen to my breath as i am running through the trees

listen to my heart as it pounds on the keys 

listen to the laughter that you have grown silent to

silent

i don't want silences

i want listening hears 

i want listening heart

i want a understanding of my words